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My Adoption Story and How Becoming a Birth Mother Has Made Me a Stronger Person

January 19, 2015 In Adoptees, Adoption Advocates, Adoption Stories, Birth Parents Resources

My Adoption Story and How Becoming a Birth Mother Has Made Me a Stronger Person

My Adoption Story

Around the time I was 18, I struggled with my self-esteem causing me to make some pretty poor choices in my life.  I struggled for a long time with an eating disorder causing my body to basically not function the way it normally would have.  I also struggled with the men I dated thinking I could change them and in the end they changed me for the worst.  I lost all sense of who I was, and who I wanted to become in life.

One day, I finally had had enough; I decided to make a change.  I decided I needed to gain control of my life.  I struggled, and it was extremely hard, but I did start over-coming a lot of my demons.  It took about 5 months but finally my body hit the 100 pound mark and that was when my body finally knew that the choices I had made many months ago had a greater impact then I had originally thought.  I found out I was 5 months pregnant and had so many more hard choices in front of me.

After many hours of prayer and study I decided on adoption.  I didn’t know much about what to do so I went online to do some research.  I found a website that had profiles of families hoping to adopt and the ability to email them and reach out to them.  I was terrified no one would want to adopt my son with only four months to prepare.  I searched through many wonderful profiles and I emailed around five different families asking if four months was enough time for them and asking more questions.  In my heart I was hoping that one particular family would respond and to my immense relief they did.  After a few emails back and forth I just knew in my heart they were exactly who my son needed.  A few days later I was able to speak with a case worker from the agency.  I told her I knew that I was going to place and I told her that I had found a family on their website and already had contacted them and started emailing them.  I think she was a little lost with what to do with me as she was ready to talk to me about placing or parenting and how to look at perspective families.  I also told her how I wanted placement to go.  I wanted the family to be able to leave the hospital with Bryce, and I wanted them to be able to be at the hospital when he was born so they could see him.  I wanted so badly to give his adoptive mom as much of a normal experience as possible.  It was so important to me that they felt comfortable and were as much a part of his first few days of life as possible.  We were able to set up a face to face meeting with the family and I remember feeling so nervous that they would change their minds but the second we sat down together we just clicked and everything felt right.

My Adoption Story Katy VanderDoesThe next few months passed, and since they lived in another state, we were able to get to know each other a lot better by emailing often.  I would send updates often as we prepared for Bryce to come.  We had a set date on when the doctor would induce me so that they would be able to make it out in time. But, he decided that he was going to come a day early, and thankfully he gave us enough time before he came that they were able to drive out and make it in time to be at the hospital.

When placement time came I was able to spend time with just me and Bryce, by far this was the most healing time for me.  I was able to tell him why I had made the choice I had, to place him with the family I had chosen.  I was able to tell him how much I loved him and how he had played an important role in helping me find my way back to my Father in Heaven.  I told him about the great adventure he was about to embark on and the amazing parents that would help him discover so many things.  I sang him a song that was so important to me that I had learned as a child in church.  I told him so many things that day, and while he had no idea what I was saying, it was so healing to say them out loud.

As I placed Bryce is his adoptive mother’s arms, I knew that he was in the right place I knew that she was meant to be his mother.  I knew that he was meant for that beautiful family and in a way, I was meant to be a part of that family.  While I will always miss him and miss watching him every day, I will always have the amazing blessing of open adoption.  I get to see Bryce grow and learn and discover so many things. But, I also have a wonderful friendship with his parents that I never thought possible.

Adoption has changed my life for the better.  I am a so grateful for the blessings having an open adoption has brought me.  Bryce helped me in so many ways.  I am such a better person because of him and all the lessons he has taught, and still does, teach me.  Becoming a birth mother has made me a stronger person.  While my life has taken many twists and turns, and I have had many trials in my life, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Katy