Adoption: Saying Goodbye and Letting Go of Your Child
Placing your child for adoption is not an easy feat. It’s important that you come to the
decision of adoption yourself. If pressured or guilted into the decision, the guilt and
consequences later on can manifest very strongly. It’s vital for you, as a birth mother, to know
and feel that you are in control of your choices.
Saying goodbye to your child can happen in many different ways, and often depends on
whether you choose open or closed adoption. One thing to keep in mind is this: the way you say
goodbye and let go of your child depends entirely on what you want to do as a birth mother.
Infant adoption happens on your terms. Open adoptions, or adoptions in which you have contact
with the adoptive family, often help ease the pain and transition. Some birth mothers have found
it helpful to get to know the adoptive couple or family in advance. Things to think about when
preparing for saying goodbye and letting go are…
1. Create an adoption plan. Typically saying goodbye occurs in the hospital after delivery.
Do you want a video, a placement ceremony, or a quiet goodbye? Would you rather hand
your infant directly to the adoptive couple or use a third party? Knowing this information
before you give birth can help you prepare yourself when the time comes.
2. Grieve. It’s perfectly normal to grieve the loss of the child you placed. Even if people
reassure you that you made the right decision for yourself and your infant, you can still
have feelings of sadness and guilt. Dealing with these emotions is important for your
future and development. Forever Bound Adoption offers post-adoption counseling
Overall, there is no easy solution that is going to heal your heart after saying goodbye to your
child, but preparation has been proven helpful.
For more information regarding infant adoption and birth mother resources, please visit us on
Instagram at @foreverboundadoption_ or exploring the blogs on foreverboundadoption.org