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How to Talk to The In-Laws About Your Adoption

How to Talk to The In-Laws About Your Adoption

I was talking to my now mother in law about my adoption (which is really awkward for her) and trying to help her understand a little of what I had gone through and how wonderful it was for me. My mother in law is very loving and kind but she had never known anyone personally to have been on the “giving” end of the process. I have found with most people that they only know what they see on TV or what they hear the Adoptive families say. As a birth mother I feel that it is just as important to voice our experience so that it isn’t “speculation” talking for us.

I hope that you ladies know that it’s okay to talk about your feelings to others. In fact it’s healthy and very needed to help you get through the whole ordeal. Once you let others know that adoption isn’t a horrible experience others will see it as it is, and choose to promote not discriminate. Even if, at the time, other people are giving uncomfortable vibes it’s OKAY. They need to learn about the Joy of adoption, not the mistakes we’ve made or the choices we chose but the miracle we performed for and in behalf of our child and the family yearning for a baby.

Another thing I learned while talking to my mother in law is that the more open we are with our story the more they will feel connected to us and be able to help squash the lies and misconceptions of Adoption they’ve heard. They have questions and they want to know but are too afraid to ask. Let them get the answers from you not GOOGLE or YouTube. My Mother in law really wants to understand me and I gave her an opportunity to do so.

For those of you who are planning on marriage later on or who are gearing up to start dating after your placement just know this. Those who love you will understand. If they don’t and make you feel less for your life experience they aren’t worth being around or with. I found a man who, when I told, was supportive and tried to understand. He was hurt for me and confused with the details but he tried to help me feel loved and validated.

As for telling his family, well, there were hiccups there but after they got to know me they too supported me. Talk to the new family you’ll be sharing your life with. (Only if it’s safe) You did a wonderful thing. It’s a miracle, don’t be ashamed of that gift you gave!