Is There Joy in This Journey?

It seems no matter what situation you find yourself in you can now go online and find someone who is, or has gone through, the same struggles, fears, or trials you are going through. I feel as if the internet is full of information that can overwhelm you with knowledge, a lot of the time that can be a wonderful and very useful tool. In the adoption world both for birth families and for adoptive families we have so many wonderful tools online for us to use and read. We have so many amazing blogs and groups of supportive people and it is such a wonderful blessing.

However like most things you cannot have the good without the bad. There seems to be more people who choose to look at the negative side than the positive. For every uplifting thing written I feel like we see ten times more negative comments below. You can go online and search about birth mothers and find so many negative things that you will wonder if you are making/have made, the right choice. Negative comments hit so much harder sometimes then positive ones. It makes you wonder, where is the Joy in all of this? If adoption is about love why do I not feel happy?

Being a Birth mother I can tell you I do grieve and I do have days where I miss the son I placed. But, I know that I find joy every time I see him with his family. I find joy in seeing him learn and grow, seeing him kick a soccer ball. I find joy in every phone call and with every picture he colors for me. I find joy in him singing songs to me and telling me all about his days. I find joy that he knows I love him.

Not every day is easy, but I know that he is where he needs to be. He is with a wonderful family who loves him and has given him the life I couldn’t have given him.

I know that it is easy to let the negative feelings and comments over power the positive, but I promise, if you focus on the good instead, your heart will be filled with joy and happiness.

–Katy VanderDoes