The Roller Coaster of Pain and The Sweetest Unexpected
When I was young whenever I would think what I wanted to do when I grew up I always wanted to be a mother. I went through all the steps in my life, graduated high school, went to college, got married, graduated college and worked. The next step was to have a baby and to become what I wanted to be for so long, a mommy. After a year of marriage we decided to start trying to have a family, I was thrilled, Bret (my husband) was terrified!! After months of trying and no baby every month that would go by was an emotional roller coaster. Each month the roller coaster got harder and harder to ride as the disappointment got bigger until one miraculous month we got pregnant! I don’t think I could have ever been happier, but at 14 weeks I received the worst news of my life that we had lost the baby. I didn’t know what I did wrong and was heart broken because we wanted it so bad. Not only was it painful to have lost the baby, but I couldn’t bare the thought of going through the roller coaster of emotions trying to get pregnant again, but we wanted to have a family so I had no choice. My fear became reality as months went by with more failed tests and failed fertility treatments. July of 2013 rolled around and that would mark a year from our miscarriage and a year with no baby or even a positive test. With the reality of another failed fertility treatment I didn’t know how much more I could take and if being a mother just wasn’t in the cards for me. After talking to Bret about taking a break from trying and concentrating on us as a couple we got a phone call. A very close family friend of ours asked us if we would be interested in adopting a 3-week-old baby girl. We were both in disbelief that this was actually happening. She explained to us that she had been very close to this family in her neighborhood and that their teenage daughter had just had a baby. Because of the circumstances in the family they had come to the conclusion that it was best for the baby girl to place her for adoption. Bret and I were in Sun Valley, ID when we had received the call and Becky, our family friend had let is know that the family wanted to meet us ASAP. Once Bret and I got off the phone we just looked at each other stunned the next thing I know is we were getting in the car to drive back to Salt Lake City and meet this baby girl. I don’t think Bret has ever driven so fast! Once we arrived I remember shaking and almost feeling like we were in a fog. I will never forget holding her for the first time and her two beautiful brown eyes looking up at me. It was crazy because I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I couldn’t help feel as though everything felt so right and from the moment she was placed in my arms I was in love with this black hair brown eyed girl.
As we got in our car and drove away I remember having the most peaceful feeling as though I knew whatever was meant to be will be and that I will be happy with whatever decision was made. Two days following the father of the family called Bret and I and said that he wanted to meet us at Becky’s house that night. He had let us know on the phone that he and his daughter, Candy wanted Bret and I to be the parents to this beautiful baby girl that they had named Victoria Isabel, “Bella”. That night we invited my parents and Bret’s parents to join us at Becky’s house so James, the father of Candy could meet them. James had explained to us that he feel instantly in love with little Bella from the moment that he held her. He was a single father of five children and the task of taking on another child seemed too daunting, but the love he had for her he would try and make it work. After two weeks of bringing the baby home James and Candy both knew that they wanted to give Bella a life that she deserved, but the thought of not having her in their lives was too hard to bare. James had then talked to Becky about the way him and Candy were feeling and she had mentioned us. He decided that he would meet us and just see. He told us that when we walked in to the room that we first met us in he knew us from somewhere, but he didn’t know where. After we had left Candy told her dad that she loved us and she said that she knew I was the mother because Bella stopped crying the minute they put her into my arms. She told her dad that it was then up to him in what he wanted as well, but after we had left he didn’t think he would be strong enough to let her go.
The next day he was really struggling and had made up in his mind that he could not do this. He asked his local church leader and Becky’s husband, Jamey if they would offer him a blessing. Following the blessing James took Bella out on the balcony and he just as we was looking at her he had realized how he knew both Bret and I, he had seen us in his dream. He knew right then that Heavenly Father let him know through a dream that we were the parents to his granddaughter and while looking at her he finally felt at peace. He then went on to ask that we remind her of how much her birth family loved her and they never didn’t want her they just wanted to give her more. He then hugged us both and told us that this was our baby that we were holding in our arms. And from that night we were parents to this beautiful black hair brown-eyed girl and our life’s changed forever in the best way possible. We have a picture of Candy in Bella’s room and we pray for her each night. Bella will always know who Candy is and how blessed we are to have Candy in our life because without her we would not have Bella in our life. Both Bret and I have always felt that we knew Bella was always supposed to be in our family she just needed to come through a different way to touch so many people’s lives.
Written by McKenzi McCormick