Title Image

What an adoptive mother wants you to know about her child’s Birthmother

What an adoptive mother wants you to know about her child’s Birthmother

Post written by a Forever Bound Staff member-


Today I heard the words “when people hear adoption they get curious and want to know details.” A birth mother once shared with me that a neighbor told her “you made a huge mistake by placing.” I’ve heard of adoptive parents being asked “do you think you could ever love someone else’s child as much as your own.” As an adult adoptee I recently had someone say to me “so your real mom didn’t want you?”

What should we do when someone says such things to us? I feel the best way to react is to kindly educate. Many get curious and don’t understand the dynamics and emotion in adoption. It can be helpful to respond  by sharing the terminology that is appropriate in adoption such as “making an adoption plan” instead of “getting rid of” and “placed for adoption” instead of “given-up for adoption.”

3 years ago I had the opportunity to assist with an adoption. It was the adoption of this sweet little brown eye’d girl (pictured above). A time after the placement the adoptive mother felt a need to blog about the many questions she recieved  pertaining to her child’s birth mother. She worded it perfectly as she shared…

“Some people are really curious about my daughters birth mother and I understand that. What I need you to understand is that I protect her to protect my daughter. My daughters birth mother is a very important piece of her history. This piece of history is a precious jewel that I will carry around for my daughter until she is ready to carry it herself. When I give my daughter this jewel, it will not be tarnished by your judgments or opinions.
I want you to know that it is never okay to disparage her birth mother. It is not okay to speculate. It is not okay to judge. In our house we speak of her in hushed and reverent tones. She is not the villain of our story, she is the hero. The unselfish, unsung hero. If you must know something about our birth mother, know that she is strong. Stronger, I think, than most. She is beautiful. I know this because my baby is the most beautiful child ever. She is brave, she is humble. She is loved”   -Adoptive Mother, Jill Flockhart

Advocating for adoption takes tough skin, it takes educating, and it brings love.