Why I Chose Adoption
Although my pregnancy wasn’t the dream I had for myself… I know, I know, it’s shocking not to feel like young, single and pregnant wasn’t my fairy tale ending, right, but I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I didn’t have a job, a stable home, or a good man who could take care of me or a child, nor a plan for the future. I couldn’t even take care of myself! So how on earth was I going to take care of a baby? I couldn’t. So from the above figures Motherhood was knocked out of the equation for any type of realistic possibilities. One down, two more options to go. Abortion was something that I looked at for a bit. I didn’t understand it and frankly all I cared about was me and getting out of the situation I was in. Not once in that time did I think of the child growing inside of me as a human, a child, or a person with divine potential. I didn’t want to read about anything or look for other options. Getting rid of the “problem” before anyone could see any sign of my shame was all I could think about. It didn’t hit me until I was in the bathtub and my stomach was starting to show that I finally hit reality. And when I say hit it was more like a train wreck to my face waaaabaaammmmm. Sitting there in my bathtub I felt the strongest impression that I was to not hurt the boy and to prepare myself to give him life. It was one of the strongest impressions I had up to that point in my life. The Lord spoke and I was inclined to listen, so I did.
So if I stay true to the story line there’s only one more option left, adoption. This was the crowning jewel to the mess I had made for myself. If it wasn’t for my mother taking me to LDS Family Services I wouldn’t have known what to do. My mother was the Relief Society President at the time and was instructed months previous by LDS Services on adoption and what to do if a sister needed help with unplanned pregnancies. Little did she know that she would be bringing her own daughter in for a visit. Poor woman!
It was there that I received the information I needed to make an educated decision based on my situation. I was given time to think, time to look over things and really ask myself what I wanted to do.
Now down to the “nitty gritty” of why I chose Adoption. You’ve heard the back story, now all of my opinions! Yippee!!
For me it was clear that the boy I was carrying was to live, he deserved a chance at life no matter how he came to be. He deserved to live on this earth and to be loved by so many people and that love needed to start with me. He needed to have a chance and who was I to deny him of his life, even though I had been denied the right to safety from rape. It didn’t give me the final say over another. I felt that even though I had been abused and hurt didn’t mean I needed to pass on the hurt to an innocent.
I felt that I could do more for him through adoption than I ever could through any other avenue I had in front of me. He would have a father and mother with a Temple sealing. He would be given a chance to have a better economical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological advantage through a couple who had prayed for him, searched for him, waited countless hours to hold him, and who would be able to give all that I lacked. Adoption gave him and me a chance for a better life. It gave us an opportunity to grow up with options greater than we could have ever had together. If asked, I believe he wouldn’t change a thing. He is a part of me and I will always love him. For me the sacrifice of giving him life, the sacrifice of giving him a family was ultimately the greatest gift I could have ever given him.
I chose adoption because it brought healing to me, to him, to his adoptive parents, and to those who loved all of us. It was a capstone event in my life that changed me forever and the lessons I learned helped me become a better mother to my children now.