Pregnant? Want to Know How to Tell Family?
Telling your family and friends you’re pregnant. Now here is a scary moment in time. For some young women it’s where you wish you could run away from this “predicament” but there’s no running, you’re pregnant and that is the fact that needs to be looked at.
I’m sure by the time you’ve found out about the new person you have inside of you, life has changed drastically, that is, if you’ve come out of denial yet. I remember when I found out about my unplanned pregnancy. It took me MONTHS to come to terms with it, I think for me I didn’t believe it until I felt him moving and could see my belly growing. I couldn’t accept what was going on because in my mind this could never happen to me.
Back up a bit to um, I’d say a year before, I was the one sitting on the church bench saying, “That will never happen to me, who does that? Does that girl have any standards at all? How is she even going to live through life with that label stuck on her?” Fast forward a year and here I am. That girl.
How on earth was I going to tell my family? How was I going to pay for everything? Where would I go? Was I ready to be a mother? All of these questions were racing through my head. I honestly had no idea what I was doing nor did I want to be in the situation I was in. I will tell all of you how my parents found out about my pregnancy. We can all laugh about it now, but I would have been okay being shipped off to the Moon after the experience.
I had been complaining to my parents about my lower back, not understanding that pregnancy can take your bones and move them around a bit, it was no surprise that I needed a little chiropractic work done. So we went to our family friends about an hour and a half away. My mother and I loved these trips because we could talk, go out to eat, and just be together. Well, this trip was not what any mother daughter combo would have wanted to write down as EPIC. Well, and EPIC fail would describe it even better. I laid down to get my stomach muscles loosened up when our Chiropractor said, “Let’s move things around to give more room to the baby.” My mother looked like she was going to pass out. She just stood there with a blank face. The dear woman working on me just stood there with a horrified look on her face knowing that the beans had been spilled. My poor mother stood there for a moment and then dutifully to her nature she snapped out of it and started to ask questions. When is she due? What do we do from here? And then left the room.
Oh boy was the hour and a half ride home something to look forward to. Ahhhhhhhhhh! There was a park and ride about ten minutes away from the Chiropractic practice that my mother stopped at and ran outside to grab hold of any tree that she could find and wept. At that point I felt like the worst daughter born on this earth. What can you say to the woman who loved you, cared for you, prayed for you, and did everything she could to teach me how to live my life in a positive way! No words.
Now to be fair to myself, I do have to say that a day or two later my parents jumped to my aid and helped me find LDS Family Services. Things seemed like they would never get better, but for me they did. I was given hope, forgiveness, peace, and help. For those of you who are pregnant and looking for answers to questions you have and will have about your pregnancies, there are people who will help. There are places to go to have your questions answered.
Some girls that I’ve talked to have different accounts of what happened to them when telling their family and friends. It’ different for everyone. Here are a couple suggestions for how to tell them, and what might help soften the blow, although it’s a big bomb to drop, not just for them but for you.
First things first. Take a deep breath. Passing out at this point isn’t going to help you! During this time you’re probably experiencing a ton of feelings that are a tad overwhelming. Just sit back and take a few deep breaths so you can think a little clearer.
Second, your well-being and the health of your new child is in your hands. If you’re in an abusive situation you need to think about your baby’s life before your own. If you have someone who is hurting you, or would hurt you physically or any other kind of abuse you need to call people who will help you through this time. Your safety is top priority! There are places you can go and people who can help you.
Third, here are some ideas that helped me and several other ladies when they were trying to figure out how to tell those they loved.
- Some people feel better about writing things down. If it’s too hard to get the words out, or you’re too embarrassed, write a letter explaining your situation and then go for walk while they read it.
- Talk to a counselor or religious leader to have them help you know the best way to talk to your parents or guardians. Sometimes a third party helps the steam come out a little cooler than if you were to do it on your own.
- Sitting people down one at a time. (Bringing ice cream never hurt anyone and it could soften the blow!)
- Go to your local chiropractor!
- Pray to Heavenly father about how to tell those you love, ask to know how and when so that the spirit can help guide everyone to a positive place together.
- Tag team. Sometimes just having a friend or partner tell everyone helps. Just having someone back you up if it gets too intense.
- Dinner, Movie, and then the “News”
- Family counsel
- Ask those who you’d like to tell, to prepare themselves for some news that is hard for you. They may need spiritual study, prayer, or any other meditative maneuvers that can calm a person. Set the exact time and then tell them. If writing it down like you’re giving a presentation would help, do that. Ask for everyone to remain silent until you’re done talking, and then open the floor for discussion.
No matter how it is done, make sure you’re in a place where you can be open and honest with yourself and those you love. If you need help, ask for it. Being pregnant isn’t easy and you’ll need all the help you can get. And again, if you don’t feel safe, there are options. Some girls I knew stayed with family in another state, others knew they wanted to place their child into a family so they lived with the people the adoption agency placed them with. No matter the problems there is help. Please be safe in your decisions for you and the baby growing inside of you.
No matter what is going on in your mind and heart, your life is precious, as is that of your growing child. Take care of each other until you know what is best for you both, and make sure there are people around you who are positive and willing to help you do the best thing for you and the child. You’re worth it!